Coincidence or Truth

This is a link to a new blog that I am starting to write.  
http://coincidenceortruth.blogspot.co.uk/

There are many books out there quoting stories from people's lives where so called coincidences happen.  They provide you examples of how Hashem (G-d) is in our lives all of the time and all you have to do is look and you will see.  The problem is that most people don't look and if you don't look, how can you expect to see?

I love to look.

I love to see.

If you look.

You will see.

Now, the problem with most of these books is that whilst the stories are very nice, you can't quite bring yourself to believe that all of them actually happened exactly as the story makes out.  This blog is different.  I can personally vouch for each and every one of there stories.  How?  Because they happened to me.

My Rabbi keeps on telling me to write these stories down and I kept on saying that one day I would, but then I never did.  But the other week, just before Pesach, something happened that made me change my mind about noting them down.  I even told the story in Shul one week when the Rabbi wasn't in.  I like to get up every now and then to speak.  I am not pretending that I am an halachic authority on anything.  But we are only a small Shul so I can get away with it.  In fact as these stories unfold, you will see that I was once very secular and am now bal-tshuva.  After telling this story in Shul a number of people came up to me afterwards to tell me how amazing the story was.  So I thought that it was about time that I did start to write these stories down and here they are, starting with the aforementioned story.
http://coincidenceortruth.blogspot.co.uk/

I hope you enjoy the stories.

MRI at last but Neurologist Gives Up

Let's have a recap... I am 44 year old man based in the UK who has been having migs for about 30 years but only diagnosed for the last 9 years.  I get 20 to 25 headaches every month of which about 10-15 are migs.  Over the years I have tried many things to try and prevent my migs and most of them you can read about in the pages of this blog... There were preventative meds, which mostly made me feel awful or didn't touch the migs at all.  I have tried botox, occipital nerve block, physio, chiropractor, massage, acupuncture, allergy tests and diet changes and a hand full of alternative meds such as Q10, feverfew, magnesium sprays etc.  None of them have touched my migs.  I have searched high and low for triggers and the only one that I have found is the cold wind on the back of my neck.  I know of no others.  I don't get aura and thankfully most migs go within a day.  I take triptans, paramol, midrid and a cup of coffee to cure my migs once I get them.  Oh, not all at the same time!  I keep a diary to make sure that I don't overdose on any one of them.

Last week I had my regular 3 monthly appointment with my neurologist and he told me that he had run out of ideas, and that he wasn't going to make any more appointments to see me.  That was a real jaw dropping moment.  He had nothing for me.  No more meds, no more injections (not that I really wanted either but it would have been nice to have been asked). 

He said "Carry on researching and if anything else comes on the market, ask your doctor to refer back to him again."  To be honest he has never been the most proactive of specialists.  Our appointments tended to be so quick that I could park, register at the reception, see him and get out again, still within the 20 minute drop off time for the car park.  So the good news is that I didn't have to pay any car
parking fees at the hospital.  If I suggested something to him, and if it was available on the NHS then he would approve it.  But for now it seems that I have reached the end of the line.  No more options are available to me, nothing, zilch, zippo.  I felt empty and dejected.  He did at least try to look sorry for the inconvenience, but fell a little short of the mark.

So.... um.  No actually that's it.  I tried getting referred to another specialist a few years ago and all they could offer was what I already had tried.

"But what about that exciting new neurologist that you mentioned at the end of your last blog?" I hear you all cry.  You have read my previous blog haven't you?  Haven't you?  It's ok, we can wait...

Well he was a fabulous guy.  It made a real change to be seen by someone who took some time to think, and to ask, and to look and to touch.  He booked me in for an MRI scan, which he was amazed had never been suggested to me before.  He also suggested physiotherapy as he was sure that at the very least it would alleviate the symptoms.  The MRI found nothing conclusive.  There is always stuff that you can see on an MRI scan and mine was no different, but as nobody seemed too worried by the results, neither did I.  The physio appointment finally came through, three months later.  He gave me some neck stretching exercises to do.  Half of them I do already, I mean who doesn't stretch their neck from side to side when you have a mig?  I will give them a go, but as the appointment was only a week ago it is too early to see if they make a difference yet.

Other than that dear reader, I really am not sure what to do.  I will continue to search for the elusive cure and I will continue to post my findings here when I find them

Occipital Nerve Block for Migraines

I have worked my way through a lot of preventatives to try and cure my migraines and none of them have worked.  In fact most of them had an adverse effect on me.  I heard about the occipital nerve block a few years ago when it was being trialled in Leicester but didn't manage to get on the trial.  But now here it is, available to all and sundry (via a referral of course).  Thankfully, my neurologist seemed happy to tick the box and sign on the dotted line during the 5 minute consultation that I manage to get with him or one of his team every 4 months.  Not a lot is ever discussed, so I am lucky that he is prepared to sign me up for pretty much anything that I suggest, as long as it is available on the NHS.

So what is an Occipital Nerve Block?  Let's start by describing the occipital nerves as that is what we are planning to block.  Without going into too much medical technogigery, they start in that nice massageable part at the back of your neck.  They then work their way up through the back of your head, branching out multiple times, until they reach the top of your head and above the ears.  Think of it like painting a tree on either side of the back of your head and that is pretty much it.

The theory behind blocking them is that you stop the pain temporarily and that will fool your body into forgetting about the headaches.  Reprogramming your mind.  The question is, will your mind be so easily fooled?

I get 80% of my migraines on the right and 20% on the left, so the neurologist suggested that I have both sides injected.  The more the merrier as far as I was concerned!  So off I trotted (after waiting for the appointment to come through which, to be fair, was remarkably quick) to the local hospital, ready for anything.  Needles aren't my favourite thing in the world, but it's amazing how a round of botox (approx 30 injections given in about 5 minutes) can help you overcome your fear.  The nurse advised me that I should start with one side and then maybe make another appointment to get the other side done.  The side effects would be numbness in the head, which didn't sound too bad.  But as the neurologist had suggested doing both sides as the same time I persuaded her to go with that option.

The first injection was done in the bottom of my head on the right side.  I always get a rush of adrenalin when pierced with a needle which make my hair stand on edge.  But other than that, it wasn't too bad.  The second injection went in the top of my head and that hurt a bit more as there isn't any fat to absorb the needle up there.  But on the whole it wasn't too bad.  I did start to feel a bit wobbly, but a mig had started to appear so I put it down to that pre mig feeling that nobody every talks about.  The nurse suggested again that I only have the one side done, but my male bravado kicked in.  Of course I was ok, absolutely nothing wrong at all.  On with the show and inject away!  The bottom injection on the other side hurt but I grinned and bared it.  The top injection also hurt, a lot more than any of the others which is when the bravado started to slip slightly.  I cringed away from the needle.  But the nurse wasn't having any messing around.  Almost in defiance of my male preening she made sure that the needle stayed in for the maximum time to make sure that every ounce of local anaesthetic got into my head.

To be fair, the nurse was very nice and told me to sit down for a few minutes until I felt ok to go.  There was no need to see her again unless I needed to.  The mig was trying to win.  I could feel it on the inside, but strangely not on the outside of my head.  So maybe it was working already.  My head did feel a bit strange though, sort of cold and clammy.  But other than that I felt fine, so after a few minutes I shrugged my shoulders and got up to go.  As I rose I placed a hand on the top of my head to see if I could feel it (either the hand or the head)...

And then I sat down again rather fast as the room started to spin at an alarming rate.  My head was going numb, that's for sure and boy was it a strange feeling.  What seemed an eternity later, but was probably only about 3 or 4 minutes, the nurse walked by, so I called out to her to explain that I was feeling rather wobbly and perhaps leaving now wasn't the best thing to do.  She escorted me to a nearby bed and very kindly told me to rest for as long as I needed.  They tested my blood pressure which was understandably a bit low, but nothing a few minutes rest wouldn't cure.

By this point the whole of my head was numb including the all of my hairline and even the back of my tongue had started to go numb.  About 20 minutes and a glass of water later, I was able to sit up without the room spinning.  I gave it another few minutes just in case and then was up and back to work!

So did it work?  In a very simple word.  No.  Not a thing.  Not an ounce of difference did it make.  Of course, that was just for me, so don't be put off trying for yourself and do let us all know how you got on.  But for me, I think that is it for injection based treatments.  Botox and Occipital Nerve blocks are not for me.  Time to wait for my next 5 minutes appointment in a few month time and boy did I have a surprise waiting for me (ok, to lessen the excitement slightly, it wasn't a cure but a new enthusiastic neurologist)!

You HAVE to see these Migraine Short Videos

Have you ever had problems explaining exactly what you are suffering when you get a migraine?  People just don't seem to get it.  Well the Migraine Trust commissioned a number of short videos to try and get the message across.  I highly recommend that you pop over to their youtube site to have a look as they are all completely excellent.

http://www.youtube.com/user/TheMigraineTrust?feature=watch

My personal favourite "youtube in pain" as I can really associate with the let down feeling at the end.

Food Alergies, Migraines & 2 Ingredient Bread

Yes that's TWO ingredients to make a loaf of bread.  And YES it tastes, um, well we'll get to that bit later.  Let's start at the beginning.

After the woeful, pitiful let down of Botox and the inherent fear of taking any more preventatives, I decided to see if there was the vague possibility that food might be triggering my migraines.  Yes, yes, I know, "keep a food diary" you all cry!  That's all well and good for those of you who get the odd migraine every now and then, but when you get 3 or 4 per week, the foods and triggers kind of merge into each other and start to overlap and it gets really messy and...  Look, just take my work for it, it just doesn't plain work for me.

So another method is required.  I phoned my local helpful doctors (actually mine are quite helpful as long as I tell them what I want and they don't have to think too much themselves and it is legal, then they will let me try it).  I asked them about having some food allergy tests.  Um, ok this is where my previous comment falls down slightly as this is not something that they let me do.  They can offer individual tests for individual food types, but not a catch all solution.  I know that I am intolerant to lactose and that was though the docs - yay the docs apart from having to swallow a cup full of pure lactose and then suffer the consequences for the rest of the day.  My Rabbi has a wonderful way with words and referred to this as being "rather turbulent down there".  As it happens, and this is a little aside, I have found a wonder cure which lets me eat cheese again (ahh the joys) and it does really 100% work.  It's called Prolactazyme Forte and is available on-line.  Pop one tablet 10 minutes before consuming any type of lactose and you can gobble up as much as you like.

Anyhoo, I digress.  Searching on-line brings up a scary number of backyard tests.  You send all sorts of bodily parts for them to sample, like hair and stuff but it all sounded a bit strange to me.  So on a recommendation, I decided to try the York Test.  The ladies in my life (wife & mum) were not convinced until they saw the video on the website by Dr Hilary Jones.  I don't see it myself, but hey ho, it convinced them.

£300 (minus cashback) and 2 days later I got a pack through the post.  Prick your finger and let the blood gently soak into the long cotton bud thing.  Pop in an envelope and there you have it.  What could be simpler than that.  My son is type one diabetic so we are used to pricking fingers and have even tried it on ourselves.  He is a brave little warrior as it does sting a bit, but that's a whole long blog of it's own!  I got the pricker out, selected a finger at random, pushed it up against it, squeezed and %*&£!  OOOOUUUUCCCCHHHHH almost hit the ceiling in pain.  Wow that is harsh harsh harsh.  A little dance around the table holding the bottom of my finger because against the norm, I actually didn't want to stop the bleeding.  Aaaa ok... nope, just one more dance around the table to compose myself, much to my 11 year old daughters amusement, and relax.

The results....  My number one intolerance is yeast so I have to stay off that for 9 months.  Then a whole load of other stuff like sunflowers and milk and egg white (not yolk, I can have as much egg yolk as I want) and some other stuff as well which I won't bore you with here.  See their website for examples of what the form looks like.  It's quite interesting.

I have been on the diet for about 4 months now and can honestly say that it has been the biggest waste of time ever.  No difference to my stomach (which does get a little agitated at times (ok for agitated, read volcanic)) and no difference to my migraines.  Not sure what I was expecting to be honest.  Feeling more alert, less hungry, settled stomach, I dunno, you've got to get something for you money.

BUT, it wasn't all wasted.  Whilst searching for no yeast breads I discovered 2 ingredient bread.  Drum roll please.  Are you ready for the ingredients....

Self raising flour (2 1/2 cups) and pop (1 can).  That's it.  No really that is really it. Any fizzy drink will do but to be honest it doesn't make much difference which you use as they all tast the same.  Mix them together, whack them in a tin and shove in the over gas mark 180 for 45 minutes.  Ok it does taste a little bland, but it's a great base to add things.  My current favourite is honey and fresh ginger and it make a lovely teacake which is nice toasted with butter.  Try it out and let me know your favourite!

Don't Panic!

Another month, another preventative. This time we are trying the anticonvulsant, Topiramate.  Ok, I have to start this post with a warning. I usually don't let on to exactly how things went until the end of the post. Tantalisingly stringing you all along until the very last paragraph. But this time I feel it only fair to warn you all, especially my mum, that this preventative didn't work.  Not only did it not work but the side effects were quite horrendous.  So mum, probably best not to read on.  No really, close the page down now...  I can wait...!

So here the story starts... Another month, another preventative. There is always a slight trepidation when taking new pills as to what the side effects you will encounter this time.  Tiredness always comes near the top.  Will these give you weight gain or weight loss (not that I have experienced either).  It only took two tablets before I found out and nearly two years later I am still living partly in fear of them.

Day 1 and the first tablet went down without any discernible effects.

Day 2 and tablet two.  I went to bed as usual, feeling quite rested. But then, at about 1:30am, something clicked in my brain.  It started like any other dream.  Then I got stuck at the end of a path and had to turn around, but there was no way out of the other path, or the one after that.  I like to think that I have a pretty good control over my mind, and I realised that this was a stoopid dream so I forced myself to think of something else.  But my mind started to speed up and nothing that I tried to focus on was right. The wrong path. The wrong decision. I didn't know how to correct it or make it stop.

Then with a start I jumped out of bed and stood in the corner of the room looking at the indentation my head had left in the pillow. 

"ok, ok, ok, ok" I repeated to myself, trying to gain control of my now racing mind.  I was calm on the outside but a jumbled mess on the inside.  I realised that something was wrong and that I should
be able to control it, but no thoughts were sticking as everything was happening so fast.  But only on the inside of my head.

Understandably my wife, at 1:30am, couldn't make out what was going on and suggested that I go downstairs and read for a bit.  So I did go downstairs but decided to turn on my laptop.  The calm outside of my mind then managed to squeeze a good idea passed the manic inside of my mind which was that I needed to speak to someone.  Realising that 1:30am wasn't the ideal time to be calling friends, I called the Samaritans.

I remember nothing of the conversation other than thanking the very calm and kind man at the end of it.  Each sentence I spoke to this wonderful man helped my mind to slowly calm down.  My wife heard the talking downstairs and realised that this was more than the normal kind of nightmare, came down to investigate further.  She hit the nail straight on the head by recognising that it was probably the tablets that had caused it.  Needless to say, I have never taken another Topiramate again and quickly disposed of them.

It took a good week until I was able to sleep without getting another panic attack in the small hours of the morning.  But each one was less intense and I worked out how to control my mind a little better to stop the intensity of them.  If one was coming on I would move the duvet from my feet and the cold feeling would deflect it away.  If that didn't work, then getting up and going to the toilet would reset my mind.  I continued to get them on an off for about a year, although by the end of the year they were pretty lacklustre.  I read in a book once that now the door has been opened, it can never again be shut.  One has to accept the issue and push it to the back of ones mind. 

Thankfully I have now done that and after the debacle of the botox have managed to pluck up the courage to try another tablet.  But more about that in another blog!

Massage Giants and Migraines

There is a knock at the door and a 17 1/2 stone giant turns up with a Yorkshire accent declares; "I'm here to give you a massage".  In he trundled with a 21 year old folding bed (much stronger than the cheap ones they make nowadays he tells me) and a bag full of oils and gadgets (only a few of which he ever uses).

So why not.  I've tried so many other possible treatments to alleviate my migraine, why not massage.  This is why I booked him for a home visit.  If nothing else, at least I would feel relaxed afterwards.  So I undress my top half and get on this antiquated bed with a little trepidation but it did feel quite sturdy.  Then he prepared the hole.  You know the one.  It allows your head to point straight down so you don't have to bend your neck through a 45 degree angle and force your body to twist behind it.  Well my massage giant put a clean, but well used towel over the hole.  That's over it.  Not around it.  And told me to lie down.  So breathing wasn't quite as easy as perhaps it should be but I'll be ok.

As he grabs my right arm and pulls it sharply upwards (I am lying down by this point so imagine a half way arm lock) he starts to regale me with stories of his working life.  As a prison guard.  I can only imagine that he uses a similar technique on the inmates.  It wasn't the most pleasant massage position I have ever received.  Then he shoves his fingers underneath my now raised shoulder blade and thrusts them back and forth.

Um... permission to scream in pain???  Oh, ok permission denied.

But then the strangest thing happened.  Whatever muscle he has been pummelling must have decided that under the circumstances, after taking each view into consideration and looking at all of the options from each perspective, considering that there was a 17 1/2 stone giant attacking it, the best thing to do was probably to do what it was being asked to do and relax.  The pain under my shoulder blade disappeared.

Gently placing my arm by my side he decided to turn his attention to my neck.  This involved standing at the top of the bed, holding my head in both hands, and pulling.  Really pulling.  I mean really, really pulling.  You can stop now as my head might come off pulling.

By this point I was starting to get a little scared and decided to try and steer things to a conclusion.  As it happened, this was pretty much all he had to offer.  There was a bit more light pummelling on my back, but it felt like a bit of an afterthought and that was that.

As I was about to get up he grabbed me with both hands and lifted me, horizontally, off the bed, twisted me forwards to a dead vertical stop with my feet on the ground glad to be under my own control again.  He didn't want to put any undue strain on the legs of his bed.

The next day I got a migraine!  Yes I know that you are meant to give these things a while to start working... But would you have done???